You don't need to try, it's already about you.

Yeah, I was an ass at the musical. Had fun, it was pretty ok,but I just felt even more alone. Guess its just me. Just cover it up, nothing is really worth looking for anyway. We slog for answers, and look to the sky for them. We find them, but they go as fast as they come. Guess it pays to draw first blood after all.

There the school's musical later. And I'm not the least excited, not now at least. Anyway whatever I do or wear, the finger-pointing will still come. Talking is just a waste of time and living is just a waste of death. So its you just and me, and me and you, until we got nothing left. So troubled by what I've done and whats to come, I can't think of anything else.

Its like I don't seem to have enough of every fucking thing labeled with existance on the planet. I wouldn't want anyone thinking that I am materialistically-challeged. I am. Just that its not sufficiently pathetic to give me "bragging" rights or to get financial subidies from school and reflect the real financial state of my family. Neither do I have........well, alot of things. So this brings about the really emo question: Why is it that we believe having all the material bling-bling and gizmos and hot friends and girlfriends that makes us what we want to be? Yeah, take awhile to digest the question, its takes one to understand one. Maybe I don't see the orgasm brought about by being all sexy and popular, but if everyone wants to lead the feel-good life, why ask the question anyway? But considering the fact that I am still under poverty and have no means to get myself out of it, I probably should just continue the "chinese-thrash" shit, and try to just make a mess out of myself, cause thats all I got to mess with. Don't see sexy when I look in the mirror anyway. Only very.

Who isn't self-centered. Guess thats the reason why I too succumb to this facade for companionship and acceptance. Self-interest is now a swallow scramble for gratification. Why can't we just stop being sell-out kids and just look a little further? The whole notion of creating some blog like this just makes me re-evaluate myself. Looks like there is a teeny-bopper part of me waiting to explode onto the surface. But until then, I'm not going give crap low-downs about my fucked up life. I'm telling myself that this is just an avenue for my teen angst and to blast the shits I'm living with. But on a lighter tone, Avenged Sevenfold IS the name of that hardcore/metal band. They are really good. Wicked solos, lyrics and all. But I really like the name. The band's name is an alleged reference to the book of Genesis in the bible and the story of Cain and Abel, where Cain is punished to live in exile, alone and miserable. Anyone who relieved Cain of his misery by killing him would be "avenged sevenfold," or punished in a way that is seven times worse than Cain's punishment. So, I couldn't resist. Shouldn't be illegal right?